


Christmas Memories

by Ivalee



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M, bbc merlin secret santa 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5560972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivalee/pseuds/Ivalee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur spend a cozy Christmas Eve snuggled before the fire, reminiscing about past Christmases.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adrift_me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrift_me/gifts).



> Written for Julia (toffy346 on tumblr) for Merlin Secret Santa 2015...
> 
> prompt was: Arthur/Merlin either:  
> \- An AU modern time Christmas cozy story or art (family dinner, home celebration, walk under fireworks, lonely christmas night in a cafe and etc.)  
> \- Winter Camelot (something touching, like freezing Merlin :) )
> 
> I tried to fit in as much cozy Christmas fluff as I could! :-) Happy Holidays, Julia!

Heaving a deep sigh, Merlin eased his weary body onto the couch, shifting and settling until he was pressed against Arthur from shoulder to hip to knee.

“Ah. Feels good to sit.” He closed his eyes for a moment and enjoyed the light from the fire flickering across the backs of his eyelids. “Thanks for getting a fire going. How did you know this was exactly what I wanted to do this evening?”

Arthur chuckled slightly. “Well, we’ve been married for nearly twenty years. I ought to know you pretty well by now.”

Merlin felt Arthur’s arm lift and wrap around his shoulders, and after a gentle squeeze of Merlin’s upper arm, Arthur reached up and carded warm fingers through his hair. A contented hum slipped out before Merlin opened his eyes and turned to look at his husband.

“Happy Christmas Eve.” He smiled.

Arthur leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips. “Happy Christmas Eve to you, too.”

With another sigh, Merlin rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder and watched the flames dancing in the fireplace and enjoyed the way the flickering light reflected off the ornaments and the bulbs of the lights on the Christmas tree, almost making the tree come to life.

“Was good of you to volunteer to work the holiday today.” Arthur’s fingers were still working their magic on Merlin’s scalp, which was helping to ease the tension in his shoulders as well.

He gave a little shrug. “Well, someone had to cover A&E. Most of the other doctors have young children, so it just made sense, really.”

“Still.” Arthur kissed the top of his head before dropping his arm to wrap tightly around Merlin’s middle, pulling him back until he was leaning against Arthur’s chest. “I hope they appreciate your sacrifice. And mine! I had to make the Christmas pudding for tomorrow all by myself!”

Merlin laughed. “I’m not sure that counts as your sacrifice. Maybe all your sister’s guests who have to go without dessert, because the pudding’s inedible.”

Arthur pinched his belly. “Shut up! My pudding may not be as good as your mum’s, but I reckon by the end of Christmas dinner with Morgana and my father, everyone will be too exhausted to care.”

Merlin placed his own arms on top of Arthur’s across his stomach and squeezed. “Sorry. I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” He felt Arthur tilt his head and knew without looking that Arthur’s eyebrows were raised, giving Merlin a dubious glare. “Okay, it probably will be that bad, but at least we don’t have to stay long. We’re having supper with my mum and Gaius, remember?”

“I like it better when we have Christmas dinner at your mum’s.” Arthur grumbled. “And my father has Christmas dinner abroad.”

“Oh, they weren’t all bad.” Merlin nudged Arthur gently with an elbow. “Remember the year Morgana brought her little foster kid? Mordred? I’ve never seen your dad behave so pleasantly. He actually sat on the floor and played cards with the kid. And sang carols around the Christmas tree! I thought you might drop dead from shock right then and there!”

*******

“O tidings of comfort and joy. Comfort and joy. O tidings of comfort and joy.”

Arthur stood, eyes wide, mouth slightly agape, watching his father belt out the lines of the Christmas carol, even adding a deep vibrato to the occasional low note. Merlin looked back and forth between his husband and his father-in-law as he sang, and finally his eyes met Morgana’s. Her face was aglow as she raised her voice in song, arms wrapped tightly around the ten year old who had been placed in her care after his previous guardian had died unexpectedly.

Merlin smiled, too. He had never seen Morgana this happy. After the song was over, Uther moved closer to the Christmas tree, squinting and leaning forward to examine an ornament.

He looked up at Arthur. “Do you remember when we got this ornament?”

Arthur unsuccessfully tried to hide a grin as he joined his father beside the tree and reached out to lift a small wooden horse with red ribbon twined through its mane. “If I’m not mistaken, you purchased this one for me when I was eleven and we spent Christmas in Paris. I told you I wanted a horse for Christmas, and you got me this and said that was as close as I would get to owning a horse anytime soon.”

Merlin wondered why Arthur was still grinning at what seemed like his father mocking him, but then Morgana spoke up. “Oh sure, spoiled little Arthur moped about for the rest of the holiday, but as soon as we got home, Dear Old Dad set him up with riding lessons and within a year, the poor little rich boy had not one, but two horses, as well as his own personal stable complete with a staff to care for those horses.”

“What!?” Merlin felt his mouth drop open as he looked in shock at his husband who at least had the decency to give a sheepish grimace in return. “All right. That’s it. I don’t think I can be married to you anymore. Two horses?”

Before Arthur could say anything, however, Uther cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “Actually, the reason I pointed out that particular ornament was I have a little surprise for our friend Mordred.”

“For me?” Mordred’s eyes grew wide.

“Father…” Morgana’s voice was sharp, and she gave a slight shake of her head.

But Uther just held his hand up, dismissing her warning. “I know you may only be joining our family for a short time, Mordred, so I’d like you to have something very special this Christmas. How would you like to go out riding tomorrow? I thought we’d all go up to the family property in the country and let Mordred have a turn riding a horse on the trail through the woods.”

“Really?” Mordred started jumping up and down. “Do you mean it?”

“Absolutely.” Uther could not look more pleased with himself. “Every boy should learn to ride a horse. It’s part of becoming a man.”

Merlin leaned over to whisper to Arthur. “I’ve never ridden a horse. Does that mean I’m not yet a man?”

Arthur jabbed him in the ribs, but Merlin noticed that his eyes were shining as he watched his father lead Mordred toward the dining room, telling him all about the horse he would be riding.

*******

“And then we had the tastiest and most pleasant Christmas dinner we’ve ever had. Your father wore the crown from his Christmas cracker, and Mordred laughed so hard at all the punny jokes, and—“

“And Morgana smiled more that night than you’ve ever seen her smile before or since.” Arthur pulled Merlin’s head toward his and planted a kiss on his temple. “You are rather adorable, you know.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying… your father isn’t all bad.”

“You do realise that every year when I complain about Christmas dinner with my father, you bring up that horse-riding thing.” Arthur gave a mirthless chuckle. “In twenty years of knowing him, you have a single example of my father being a decent human being, so you trot out the same old story every Christmas.”

Tilting his head to narrow his eyes at his husband, Merlin refused to give in. “Well, it’s a lovely story, and I have faith that one day, we’ll see that side of your father again.”

Arthur shook his head, but he gave Merlin another gentle squeeze. “Maybe.”

“Christmas at your mum’s house was always far more pleasant.” Arthur’s voice sounded wistful. They often spent Christmas Eve at Hunith’s house, waking up to a relaxing and easy morning of laughter and sharing as they prepared Christmas dinner together in her kitchen. But three years ago, Hunith had moved in with Gaius to help care for him as he aged, so although Merlin and Arthur still visited on Christmas day, it wasn’t quite the same.

“Your mum has always made me feel welcome in her home. Even that very first Christmas, when we had only been dating for a few months, remember?”

Merlin nuzzled his head into Arthur’s shoulder. “I remember.”

*******

“Why don’t you eat that last cookie, Merlin, and then hand me the plate? The water’s still warm here.” Arthur rinsed out a glass and placed it into the dishrack to dry.

Mouth full of chocolate chip cookie, Merlin mumbled, “You don’t have to do the washing up,” even as he handed the last plate to Arthur to wash.

“Oh, I don’t mind.” Arthur swished a cloth over the plate and then pulled the plug to empty the sink. “I feel a little guilty butting in on your family Christmas celebration. Your mum didn’t have to invite me just because my father is abroad. I’m used to spending holidays on my own.”

“Don’t be silly, Arthur.” Hunith walked back into the kitchen and started pulling mugs out of the cabinet. “You are welcome here anytime. And you certainly don’t have to earn your keep, although I always appreciate the help.”

She got the milk out of the refrigerator and poured some into a saucepan on the stove, and Merlin found the cocoa powder and sugar and lined them up on the counter next to the three mugs. Arthur watched with a questioning look on his face, so Merlin explained.

“It’s sort of our Christmas Eve tradition. We sit in front of the Christmas tree, drinking hot cocoa, and we read some passages from _A Christmas Carol_ and then we sing a few carols before we go to bed.” Merlin felt his ears warming. “I know it sounds silly, but we’ve been doing it since I was a kid, and… I don’t know…” He shrugged, feeling embarrassed to admit his attachment to a tradition from his childhood. “It’s kind of nice.”

But warmth flooded Merlin as Arthur’s face lit up with a grin. “That doesn’t sound silly at all.” He continued smiling, but a sadness passed over his eyes. “It sounds really nice. We never had any traditions like that in my family. My dad always put on a big show at Christmas. A lot of decorations and a big meal for his business associates, but nothing that had any special meaning. I think Christmas made him think too much about my mother.”

He looked down for a moment, lost in thought, and Merlin wanted to reach out to hug him, but then Arthur looked up at Hunith with an endearingly lopsided smile. “It’s really very kind of you to include me.”

And Hunith moved the saucepan off the burner so the milk wouldn’t scorch, and pulled Arthur into a tight hug. Merlin’s heart swelled as his boyfriend first tensed, but then relaxed into her embrace, his eyes sliding closed and his lips curling up.

Later, as they sang songs around the Christmas tree, and Merlin tucked himself into Arthur’s arms on the couch, he saw his mother watching them with twinkling eyes, smiling her approval. And Merlin knew in that moment that Arthur was meant to be a part of his family. And he snuggled down against Arthur’s chest, letting the warmth of the moment and the vibrations from Arthur’s deep singing voice lull him into a contented sleepiness.

*******

“And then the next morning, you were so disappointed there was no stocking on the foot of your bed.” Arthur tousled Merlin’s hair. “I thought you were going to trip over your bottom lip, you were pouting so hard.”

“Hey!” Merlin pushed Arthur’s hand away. “I thought Santa must have decided I was too naughty that year.”

Arthur pulled Merlin closer. “Of course, it turned out ‘Santa’ just didn’t want to walk in on anything naughty, so she left two stockings hanging on the doorknob instead of on the bed.”

“Please.” Merlin scoffed. “There was nothing even remotely naughty going on that night. You were such a chicken. I don’t think you even kissed me goodnight!”

“Well, it was my first time visiting your mother’s house. I wanted to make a good impression.”

With a chuckle, Merlin shook his head. “Every time she called me from the time we first started dating, I was over at your house, Arthur. I don’t think she thought I was sleeping over on the couch!” Merlin felt Arthur shrug behind him. “In fact, I think our wedding was probably the first time you kissed me in front of her.”

“Nope.” Arthur’s arms pulled Merlin closer, and he whispered in Merlin’s ear. “New Years. Just before we got engaged.”

Of course. Merlin remembered.

“That was right after the Christmas we do not speak of.” Arthur’s breath was warm on Merlin’s neck.

“Then why are you speaking of it, you cabbagehead?”

After all these years, the pain of their brief break-up had subsided, and they could look back on that time apart as a growing experience. Something they needed to go through in order to have the strong relationship they had today, but at the time, Merlin had felt broken. He couldn’t get into the Christmas spirit. And he avoided everyone who cared about him, including his mother.

*******

Merlin sat alone in the café, sipping his tea and staring out the window at the snow, slushy and dirty, piled on the edges of the pavement. He deliberately sat facing away from the door which was decorated with lights and a wreath covered with bright red bows. He didn’t want to think about all the merriment taking place in homes around the town. He didn’t want to think about the last minute shoppers carrying their parcels and wishing one another Merry Christmas. He didn’t want to think about carollers sharing good cheer and wassail with their friends and neighbours. He wanted to sit in this corner booth, drinking his now lukewarm tea, watching the snow turn to mush in the street, and sulk.

Each time his mind tried to return to his last conversation with Arthur, Merlin counted the cracks in the pavement outside. Twenty-six.

Each time he remembered the way he had frozen Arthur out and not told him how much it bothered him when Arthur missed dinner dates because he was too busy at work, Merlin watched the drips of water from melting ice sliding down the window, leaving trails and joining the trails of previous drips.

Each time he felt pressure in his chest at the memory of Arthur yelling at him, Merlin took a sip of tea and tried to focus on the bitter flavour as it spread across his tongue and down his throat.

“Hey, mister?” The young woman behind the counter called out to him. “We’re closing in a couple of minutes. It’s Christmas Eve, you know?”

Merlin sighed and nodded slowly without turning to look at her. She was probably anxious to get home to her family. Maybe she had a boyfriend who hadn’t kicked her out two weeks before Christmas, because he thought she was being manipulative. She probably just told her boyfriend when her feelings were hurt, instead of standing him up for an important dinner by going out with a friend. And her boyfriend probably hadn’t jumped to the conclusion that she was cheating on him with Gwaine and yelled at her in front of his whole office. And she probably hadn’t retaliated by declaring in a loud, clear voice that at least Gwaine wasn’t an emotionally constipated jerk.

Ug. Merlin dropped his head to the table with a satisfying thud. Why hadn’t he just told Arthur what he was feeling? Why couldn’t they just talk about the problems they were having? Why did Arthur have to be so childish about the whole thing?

The cold, hard Formica pressed against Merlin’s forehead and forced him to focus on a single thought. Why did he have to be so childish about the whole thing himself?

He heard a bell ring as the door to the café opened, and he expected the woman (who apparently had an excellent relationship with her boyfriend) to speak up and tell whoever entered that the café was closing, but she didn’t say anything and then Merlin heard someone slide into the booth across from him.

“Your mother told me I’d probably find you here.”

Merlin raised his head from the table and looked right into Gwen’s sympathetic eyes.

“You’re both being idiots.”

Merlin could always count on Gwen to be honest with him.

“I know.” Because as frustrated as Merlin was with Arthur, and as hurt as he was that Arthur was so willing to give up on their two year relationship, Merlin knew that he was equally to blame for this break-up.

And unbidden, tears sprung to his eyes and his face crumpled. Gwen reached both hands across the table to cover Merlin’s.

“Come home with me, Merlin. I left Arthur there with Lance, and don't tell him I told you, but he is just as miserable as you are.”

Merlin raised his eyes to meet hers again, hope springing in his heart for the first time since his and Arthur’s terrible fight.

“You still love him, right?” Merlin nodded fervently. “Then talk to him. And then you can kiss and make up. And then you can talk some more.”

She stood up and pulled Merlin to his feet. “And then you should talk some more.”

They walked arm in arm toward the door. “And after you move back in with him, you should keep talking on a regular basis. Because games and passive-aggressive hints are not what make a relationship work. Honest communication is.”

As they walked to Gwen’s car, Merlin admired the Christmas decorations, and he smiled at carollers and wished them a Merry Christmas, and, in spite of the gloomy weather, the whole town felt warm and bright. And when they got to Gwen and Lance’s house and he saw Arthur— moping on the couch wearing dark trousers and a bland jumper, with uncombed hair and dark circles under his eyes— Merlin felt he had never seen anyone quite so beautiful.

*******

Merlin and Arthur had spent the rest of the holiday alternating between curling up on the couch with hot chocolate having long conversations about the future and each of their hopes and dreams for their relationship, and stalking around their flat, voices stern and angry, arguing about past misunderstandings. Fortunately, they both agreed that each of them had made mistakes and they loved each other enough to work things out.

“Do you remember what I told you that New Year’s Eve?” Arthur’s fingers stroked up and down Merlin’s arm and his voice was low and intimate. “We went out to see the fireworks with your mum, and we kissed at midnight. Do you remember what I said?”

Closing his eyes with a smile, Merlin recalled the chill in the air and the bursts of lights and sounds that filled the sky. He remembered the peace he felt when Arthur pulled him close and captured his lips, thumb caressing his cheek. He could still see the raw honesty in Arthur’s eyes as he spoke that night.

“You said you weren’t sorry that our Christmas was ruined, because being without me showed you how much you never wanted to be without me again. You said that you wanted to kiss me every New Year from then on. And you said that even if things were tough, you wanted to celebrate every holiday with me until we were old and grey.”

And Merlin turned in Arthur’s arms and leaned up for a kiss. He hummed contentedly, enjoying the feeling of being pressed against his husband and tasting his lips. Arthur reached up to stroke a thumb across Merlin’s temple.

“And obviously I meant it.” Arthur tilted his head to examine Merlin’s face as he continued twisting bits of Merlin’s hair between his fingers. “Just look at you… pretty soon the salt will overrun the pepper in this hair.”

Merlin shook his head, throwing Arthur’s hand off, but he was smirking, so Arthur’s fingers moved to trace the lines that were growing ever deeper around Merlin’s eyes.

“And all these wrinkles? Who knew medicine was such a stressful profession?”

So Merlin scooted up until he could reach to trace Arthur’s wrinkles as well. “I don’t know. If it’s a competition, I think the CEO of Pendragon Enterprises might be winning in the worry lines department.”

“Watch it! I have earned every one of those wrinkles, and I’m actually quite proud of them, thank you very much.”

Merlin kissed the corner of Arthur’s mouth. “I love your wrinkles. Especially these smile lines.”

With a grin that deepened the very wrinkles Merlin had just kissed, Arthur tucked Merlin’s head under his chin. “And I love every one of your grey hairs.”

Merlin settled again on Arthur’s chest, and they watched the fire in silence for a few minutes, until the warmth of the room and the comfort of his husband’s arms around him made Merlin’s eyelids began to droop.

“Hey, remember that winter when it snowed weeks earlier than usual, and we spent the entire holiday season holed up inside, because it was so cold?” Merlin mumbled against Arthur’s neck.

“When was this?” Arthur asked, sounding amused.

“Mmm… It was freezing, and the snow was so high, and you were going stir crazy from being stuck inside so long.” Merlin was feeling sleepy, but he tried to hold his eyes open long enough to remind Arthur of that winter.

*******

“Merlin!” Arthur’s voice boomed from his chamber as Merlin ran down the passage carrying as much firewood as his arms would hold.

Merlin kicked open the door, rushing toward the fireplace. He knew Arthur’s fire was dying, and that was why the king was shouting, so he was trying to be quick with the wood. His arms and back ached from carrying the bundle all the way from the courtyard, and Merlin felt frustrated for several reasons.

First, although Arthur’s chamber was chilly, it was nowhere near as cold as the draughty hallways and the open courtyard, and this was Merlin’s fifth trip outside today, and his coat simply wasn’t thick enough to keep out the piercing wind.

Second, Merlin could easily levitate the wood directly from the courtyard to Arthur’s window, or for that matter, start and sustain a fire with no wood at all, but of course he couldn’t do either of those things, since he had to hide his magic for fear of losing his head.

But mostly, Merlin was frustrated because Arthur’s grumpy mood of the last several days was starting to rub off on him, and things that normally wouldn’t bother him were grating on his last nerve.

As Merlin added wood to the fireplace and banked it to maintain the blaze as long as possible, he wondered why Arthur had not spoken to him since he entered the chamber. He stepped away from the fireplace, brushing the soot off his trousers, and turned to look for Arthur. At first Merlin thought he must have stepped out of the room, but then he noticed a shivering lump under the covers.

He walked closer and found Arthur lying in his bed, covers pulled up to his chin, teeth chattering. “Arthur? Are you all right?”

“Freezing.” Arthur pulled the covers tightly around himself. “I’ve been shivering since the council meeting this morning. This castle must be the coldest place on earth right now.”

“Well come sit by the fire, then.” Merlin started to turn, but he felt Arthur’s hand catch his wrist. Arthur was right. He was freezing. His fingers were like ice, and without thinking, Merlin wrapped both his hands around Arthur’s, rubbing gently.

“Feels good.” Arthur hummed as Merlin’s hands, hot from the fire, warmed his. “Would you…?” He looked down, embarrassed for a moment, but then looked up to meet Merlin’s eyes. “Would you lay next to me to warm me up?”

Merlin’s heart leapt into his throat. Lay next to Arthur? In his bed? Pressed against each other under the blankets? Merlin could think of nothing he would like to do more. Nodding numbly, Merlin toed off his shoes and pulled back the blanket, ready to slide underneath.

“Not like that! I don’t want all that soot in my bed.” Arthur’s tone was more amused than harsh. “Take off those filthy trousers!”

Eyes wide, Merlin undid his belt and then stepped out of his trousers and shrugged off his jacket. He climbed into the bed next to Arthur who reached both arms around him and pulled him close, pressing their bodies together from head to toe.

*******

“Your feet are cold.” Merlin mumbled, pulling himself tight against Arthur’s chest.

He felt Arthur shake with a deep chuckle. “Merlin, you’re talking nonsense. We’ve never lived in a castle, and you have not once in your life fetched firewood for me.”

“Hmm?” Merlin raised his head, blinking in confusion. “Sorry. I must have been dreaming. Long day.” He let his head fall onto his husband’s chest again.

But Arthur jostled him into a sitting position. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed, sleepyhead.” He stood and pulled Merlin to his feet, allowing him to continue to lean on him for support. They started toward their bedroom, but then Arthur turned back for a moment. “Put out that fire, would you?”

Merlin lazily flung a hand toward the fireplace and water appeared from thin air to splash over the low flames, dousing them.

As they snuggled into their bed— sheets magically warmed before they slid between them— Merlin nestled into Arthur’s arms and lay his head on his husband’s shoulder. “This will be a good Christmas, Arthur. You’ll see.” He murmured as sleep began to overtake him once again.

“Of course it will.” Arthur placed a kiss on top of Merlin’s head and pulled his arms tightly around him. “Best Christmas yet.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Christmas Memories (art)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5647435) by [tracionn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tracionn/pseuds/tracionn)




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